Follow me! On the right hand side of your screen, there is a button that is calling your name. Click it. You know you want to. You can follow me with Google Friend Connect, and you can share my posts on Facebook and Twitter!
I am sincerely hoping that my blog may raise awareness about SPD, and perhaps comfort those who share my condition, and the family and friends of those who do.
Perhaps my goals are rather lofty, and perhaps I have a high opinion of what I am capable of doing. But I can't stand NOT doing anything, so this is my current contribution.
However, this blog will do no good unless it gets "out there," and the only way that will happen is if people follow me. Followers will help bring attention to my blog and SPD, which is my hope.
So, follow me!
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Big Steps
As they say, "normal" is just a definition in the dictionary. I learned this the hard way over ten years ago.
I have sensory processing disorder (also known as sensory integration disorder). I have (knowingly) suffered from an unknown problem since I was 10 years old, and only at the age of 19 did I learn that my condition had a name, and I am not alone.
I have felt alone, ostracized, and judged for 13 years because of my condition. Even supposed friends I had had no comprehension of what I was dealing with, even if they said they understood. No one can understand another's path without walking in their shoes, and sometimes, that just isn't possible. No one I know has walked in my shoes, and only my mother tried to see if she could try them on.
After 2 years of major anxiety disorder and depression, I am finally making a little progress. No one in my life seems to realize that "some progress" does not mean I am "better." I will NEVER be better. My life will improve if I continue my program of treatment, but I will never be "normal." I have accepted that. I am currently seeking out individuals who share my condition, so that I may have some support, and I shall see how that goes.
Adult SPD is trivilialized and disregarded by the medical community because most believe it is a pediatric disorder. That is not true. If it were, I would be a productive and successful member of society by now. I know I'm talented, but my sensitivities obstruct my ability to acquire full-time employment. I graduated with a BFA a year ago, and am still unemployed, mostly due to my inablilty to tolerate a common work environment.
I intend to fill this blog with information about adult SPD, and my experiences dealing with it. Another post will follow soon, but for now, I do have one short story. And I believe I should start at the beginning.
I knew I was different when I was ten years old. I went to a private Catholic school K-5, and there was only one class per grade. I was in fifth grade, ready to move on to public middle school, when I started to notice something about myself that my classmates did not share. While there were only 10 kids in my class, it just takes one to make a difference. His name was James. He sniffled. Loudly, and frequently. I would politely ask him to desist. Instead, he mocked me. He sniffled whenver possible just to irritate me. While I know that 10 year old boys have a much different mentality than my own, even then, it really frustrated me. I learned over the years not to ask people to stop whatever was bothering me, because verbal abuse generally followed my request. Given the choice of fight or flight, I generally chose flight, because it did not involve detention or suspension. I did slap someone once for slurping their coffee loudly, but as I gave him fair warning of my reaction, I felt it reasonable, at the time (I was definitely a little drunk at that particular diner).
I intend to post regularly, with bits of my own personal past, and with updates on my current condition. I hope that people reading this are at the very least sympathetic to an involuntary neurological condition, and at best, perhaps I will have some followers who also deal with SPD in their daily lives. I would also hope that family members and friends of those suffering from SPD might read, to increase their understanding and empathy. I know that no one can walk in another's shoes, and I know that my condition has been hardest on my family. My mom, dad, brother, and best friend have been nothing but supportive, and if I believed in God, I would be singing his praises; as it is, I count my blessings every day, and hope that this is recognized as a real disorder, with proper treatment recommendations, before I die.
I have sensory processing disorder (also known as sensory integration disorder). I have (knowingly) suffered from an unknown problem since I was 10 years old, and only at the age of 19 did I learn that my condition had a name, and I am not alone.
I have felt alone, ostracized, and judged for 13 years because of my condition. Even supposed friends I had had no comprehension of what I was dealing with, even if they said they understood. No one can understand another's path without walking in their shoes, and sometimes, that just isn't possible. No one I know has walked in my shoes, and only my mother tried to see if she could try them on.
After 2 years of major anxiety disorder and depression, I am finally making a little progress. No one in my life seems to realize that "some progress" does not mean I am "better." I will NEVER be better. My life will improve if I continue my program of treatment, but I will never be "normal." I have accepted that. I am currently seeking out individuals who share my condition, so that I may have some support, and I shall see how that goes.
Adult SPD is trivilialized and disregarded by the medical community because most believe it is a pediatric disorder. That is not true. If it were, I would be a productive and successful member of society by now. I know I'm talented, but my sensitivities obstruct my ability to acquire full-time employment. I graduated with a BFA a year ago, and am still unemployed, mostly due to my inablilty to tolerate a common work environment.
I intend to fill this blog with information about adult SPD, and my experiences dealing with it. Another post will follow soon, but for now, I do have one short story. And I believe I should start at the beginning.
I knew I was different when I was ten years old. I went to a private Catholic school K-5, and there was only one class per grade. I was in fifth grade, ready to move on to public middle school, when I started to notice something about myself that my classmates did not share. While there were only 10 kids in my class, it just takes one to make a difference. His name was James. He sniffled. Loudly, and frequently. I would politely ask him to desist. Instead, he mocked me. He sniffled whenver possible just to irritate me. While I know that 10 year old boys have a much different mentality than my own, even then, it really frustrated me. I learned over the years not to ask people to stop whatever was bothering me, because verbal abuse generally followed my request. Given the choice of fight or flight, I generally chose flight, because it did not involve detention or suspension. I did slap someone once for slurping their coffee loudly, but as I gave him fair warning of my reaction, I felt it reasonable, at the time (I was definitely a little drunk at that particular diner).
I intend to post regularly, with bits of my own personal past, and with updates on my current condition. I hope that people reading this are at the very least sympathetic to an involuntary neurological condition, and at best, perhaps I will have some followers who also deal with SPD in their daily lives. I would also hope that family members and friends of those suffering from SPD might read, to increase their understanding and empathy. I know that no one can walk in another's shoes, and I know that my condition has been hardest on my family. My mom, dad, brother, and best friend have been nothing but supportive, and if I believed in God, I would be singing his praises; as it is, I count my blessings every day, and hope that this is recognized as a real disorder, with proper treatment recommendations, before I die.
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